An unethical, dangerous, possibly blasphemous, essentially evil… and brilliant idea

So I love Disney Channel pop music.

There.

I said it.

I realized I had to come clean with this, when I was recently perusing the stats on my iTunes and Zune playback.

It turns out that lately the two highest– the chart-toppers, as it were– were both from the soundtrack of the Disney Channel Series© Shake It Up.

Ahem… they were the Shake It Up theme song and the delightful number “Watch Me,” done, of course, by series stars Zendaya* and Bella Thorne.

I dare you to click on either link and listen. And NOT hum the song for a week.

They’re professional earworms.

Look, don’t you even judge me, motherfucker– I listen to them at the gym, okay? And they’re like, great for cardio. It’s not like I love their youthful enthusiasm and energetic optimism… or their sassy-yet-reserved wardrobe, or fabulous dance moves…! or anything…! That’s stupid! Itunes recommended them because it said I liked Lady Gaga and Katy Perry.**

So. There.

And THEN: I had it.

The.

Idea.

What if…??

What if we had the roster of soulless-yet-undeniably-gifted Disney pop song writers work with extreme metal artists? Like Acephalix or Napalm Death or Electric Wizard?

If Disney thought there was money in it, they’d do it in .000005 milliseconds! Demi Lovato (no stranger to extreme metal) and Selena Gomez would be pumping out grindcore and black metal hymns like they were scripted scandals or Bieber babies!

It would be the greatest music– in the world!

It would be, like, The Entertainment in Infinite Jest, or the song the sirens sang at Odysseus! We’d all have it on repeat every day until forever…!

Man…

…this is some strong shit.

*What? She only has one name. Like Cher. Or Madonna.

**Ignore this.